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Out-Of-Touch, Aging 24-Year-Old Keeps Trying To Fit In With Cool Kids At Grammys

LOS ANGELES—Recalling how the weird, creepy 24-year-old just kept milling around and introducing himself as the “Sunflower guy,” several young artists told reporters Sunday that an out-of-touch, aging Post Malone kept desperately trying to fit in with the cool kids at the 62nd annual Grammy Awards. “It’s just kind of pathetic; the guy kept talking about how he loves Billie Eilish, but it’s like, okay, she dropped ‘Ocean Eyes’ four years ago,” said 21-year-old Australian singer-songwriter Mallrat, adding that while Malone seemed harmless, his constant attempts to drop the fact that he’d opened for Justin Bieber in 2015 weren’t making him seem any younger. “It’s sad, but honestly, I couldn’t stop laughing when old-ass Kanye came over, grabbed him by the shoulders, and told us that they collaborated on ‘Fade’ together. It’s like, dude, you’re almost in your mid-twenties, and everybody can tell that you don’t know who Lil Nas X is. Maybe you should go hang out with Grandma Swift instead.” At press time, Malone could reportedly be heard sobbing in the bathroom after one of the cool kids reportedly mistook him for Eminem.

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