PoliticsThe Onion

Fighting Rising Tide Of Authoritarianism Sounds Like A Lot Of Work

WASHINGTON—Confirming the challenges associated with preserving liberal democracy, the nation’s top political scientists issued a report Friday that found fighting against the rising tide of authoritarianism sounds like a ton of work. “After extensive analysis, we can state with a high degree of certainty that meaningfully resisting the erosion of equality and personal freedoms would probably be super exhausting,” said lead researcher Jeremy Dwyer, warning that stemming the flow of autocratic rule would require a sustained campaign of political pressure over a long period of time that would likely make Americans tired just to think about. “Whether it’s attending protests, campaigning for progressive candidates, or even committing to ethical purchasing habits, our data show that engaging at this level would be a whole thing that could eat up a bunch of time. The majority of American citizens are very sleepy and want to get back to their beds as soon as possible. Plus, this all sounds kind of like a big pain in the ass.” Dwyer added that the report concluded it would be so much easier to simply march in unthinking lockstep to an all-powerful ruler. 

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