EntertainmentThe Onion

Movie Expedition Team Annoyed They Only Getting Briefed On Mission Right Before Parachuting Onto Hostile Island

INDIAN OCEAN—Expressing frustration over a lack of communication from their commanding officer, a movie expedition team, the Specters, was annoyed Friday that they were only getting briefed on their mission right before parachuting into enemy territory. “Christ, we barely spoke on this 14-hour plane ride, and now we’re finally getting briefed once the hatch has opened and it’s fucking impossible to hear anything,” said Marines special forces officer Connor Davies, bemoaning the total lack of reconnaissance his team was provided prior to making landfall and expressing confusion over the passing mention of a “rendezvous point.” “I wish we could’ve seen this chart about our 3% chance of survival before we signed up for this. Someone could’ve told us our assignments while we were putting on our gear. I guess it’s partially my fault for allowing myself to get on the plane without asking where we were going first, but still, I figured we’d get a little more intel than a curt ‘Head out, Marines’ before jumping out of a goddamn plane.” At press time, Davies was surprised that he knew exactly how to infiltrate the enemy base and kill the ringleader.

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