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‘You’re Allowed To Be Naked Sometimes, But Not Other Times,’ Says Brad Pitt In Baffling Oscars Acceptance Speech

LOS ANGELES—Eschewing traditional topics such as thanking colleagues or speaking out about political issues, Brad Pitt delivered a baffling Oscars acceptance speech for Best Supporting Actor Sunday explaining that you’re allowed to be naked sometimes, but not other times. “Sometimes you have no choice but to wear clothes, and sometimes it’s okay to take them off. It really just depends,” said Pitt in a six-minute speech to a fidgeting, uncomfortable audience who had grown silent and were nervously eyeing the exits as the orchestra began trying to play him off the stage. “There are occasions where being nude is actually preferable, like in the shower. Right now would be an inappropriate situation for being naked, but in a few hours, who knows. That said, there are situations where it’s a sort of dealer’s choice where you can decide for yourself whether or not you want to be naked.” At press time, the cast and crew who worked with Pitt on Once Upon A Time In Hollywood were tearing up and giving him a standing ovation.

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