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Cubs Sign Sammy Sosa To $300 Million Deal Just To Give Casual Fans Point Of Reference

CHICAGO—Extending an olive branch to fans who stopped following the game in the 1990s, the Chicago Cubs reportedly signed right fielder Sammy Sosa to a 12-year, $300 million contract Friday. “We’re excited to give casual fans a recognizable name that they can cling to,” said general manager Jed Hoyer in reference to the 51-year-old, clarifying that they hoped to extend his contract well into the 2050s “if things go according to plan,” and adding that the slugger was in far better shape than fellow outfielder Kyle Schwarber. “We recognize that our current core of Anthony Rizzo, Jon Lester, and Javier Baez just doesn’t move the needle for most fans, so we wanted to make a big splash this offseason. We considered signing Mark McGuire and Randy Johnson, but Sammy’s brand recognition really won out for us. Plus, he’s already played for the Cubs.” At press time, Hoyer revealed the team was cutting costs by parting ways with Wrigley Field.

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